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Growing up as a boxing fan in a middle class house, I never imagined a day we could afford ringside seats to the biggest fights in the world. But these days everybody can, thanks to commercial air travel.
According to a recent report, the Federal Aviation Administration has logged 3,400 reports of unruly passengers this year. Most people attribute the spike in smack downs to increased mask policing and residual rage from a year of lockdowns.
Regardless of how we got here, the fact remains there have been so many brawls on planes this summer, Brad Pitt and Ed Norton could make a sequel called “FLIGHT Club.” But I can’t elaborate further because everybody knows the first rule of Flight Club is you don’t TALK about Flight Club, you record it on your iPhone and post it to social media.
With so many fists flying, I decided to make a list of ways you can make sure your next non-stop journey doesn’t become a “connecting” flight. Keep in mind that this is for people who fly COMMERCIAL, so if you’re a Texas Democrat, stop reading now.
AIRPLANE BRAWL CAUGHT ON VIDEO SHOCKS PASSENGERS, ALLEGED RACIAL SLUR USED
1. Respect the Carry On Rule
We’ve all boarded a plane that’s only seated 10 rows of passengers yet somehow has already filled 18 rows of overhead storage bins. I like skipping a baggage fee as much as the next guy but trust me, the $35 Visa charge doesn’t hurt HALF as much as the roundhouse right to the neck.
If you don’t believe me, ask passengers on a recent Frontier Airlines Flight who got into a storage fight that was so wild, police put the violence at a NINE on a scale of “One to a Real Housewives Reunion.”
Understaffed Flight Crews are too busy seating people and their Emotional Support Ferrets to count your bags so we’re counting on you. Remember, “one carry on and one personal item” does not mean two rolling suitcases, a laptop, and shopping bag from Metro News.
VIDEO OF AMERICAN AIRLINES AGENT BOOTING PASSENGER FOR PROFANE INSULT GOES VIRAL: ‘I SUGGEST SPIRIT’
I know your smart phone has been calibrated to make you feel like the most important person in the world but everybody behind you has a phone too. And they’re rage-texting about you while the Flight Attendant gate-checks their bags.
2. Dress For the Flight You Want.
When I was a kid, there was a nobility to flying. People put on nice clothes and took pride in the image they projected. I’m not saying we wore tuxedos, but none of us looked underdressed for a Motley Crue concert. I flew Spirit Air last month and the first guy I saw was so disheveled I almost put a dollar in his coffee cup. But enough about the pilot.
MOM OF 6 BOOTED FROM JETBLUE FLIGHT BECAUSE TODDLER WOULDN’T KEEP MASK ON SAYS POLICY ‘NOT FEASIBLE’